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Have you ever had to deal with a difficult person? I am sure that one time or another you have come across people that you clashed with. There are a few people that have the ability to rub me the wrong way and below will be a list of five things I did to deal with these sometime, DIFFICULT situations. Please remember to take the following suggestions in context as situations are different with certain people. Here we go.

1. Make Sure it is at the Right Time.

When ever a situation comes up make sure that you are doing your confrontation at a time when it is suitable for you. What I mean by this is that you should not try and argue a point or discuss something with someone at four o’clock in the morning when you are trying to sleep. Nor should you do it at a time when you have just got off work and are still in “Work Mode.” Allow yourself some time to come home and relax. You will just not be as effective as you would have been at say, noon on your day off. This is up to you though because you have to know when you are most alert and aware of your surroundings. For this to be really effective you should also make sure you confront a situation when the other person is at their peak time. You want for the discussion to be fair in most cases and this is the best way to start. If you start out with something as simple as step #1 your discussion will go a lot smoother.

2. Keep a Modest Tone

Did you know that 90% of discussions escalate because of your tone of voice? If you just speak with a soft gentle tone you would be amazed at how much more productive your discussions become. Next time you are arguing with someone, consciously keep your voice down and try to speak with them in a soft non-aggressive manner. To your amazement you will see the other party also start to quiet their voice. I tried this with a relative once and could not believe the results. Before I tried this all we used to do was yell back and forth until someone hung up. This was not a good way to end a conversation in my eyes, but none-the-less it happened. But after lowering my voice the conversations gradually went a lot better. REMEMBER: This is not something that will happen over night but if you remember to keep a gentle voice you will begin to see drastic changes.

3. Listen Before you Speak

Often we have a bad habit of speaking out before we hear what someone else has to say. The good lord gave us two ears and one mouth which translate into listening twice as much as we speak. Also the late Jimmy Hendricks said, “Knowledge Speaks and Wisdom Listens.” When I first read that I was honestly touched. I finally realized why my parents always told me to just keep my mouth shut and listen. Whether or not they knew it they were actually teaching me something. So when ever you find yourself speaking with one of these difficult people sit back and honestly take in what they are saying before you open your mouth. Who knows, you might learn something about your self. Not to mention you will become a better person for it and in return the other person will respect you more. Relax its not as hard as it seems.

4. Put Your Foot in One of Their Shoe’s

Contrary to what we believe we are not always right. Steven R. Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, says we should change our Paradigm in order to deal with other people. What is a Paradigm you ask? Well, it is simply the way you see the world. That is the problem with most discussions and confrontations. We are always trying to explain our side because it is all we know. Just because we KNOW something does not make it right. If you step back and look at it from the other person’s perspective you will actually start to realize this. People are unique and because of this everyone views things in different ways. This was something that was particularly hard for me. I always knew what was right and always had to be heard. This is not the case folks. Look at a situation from the other person’s side and you will make leaps towards progression instead of baby steps.

5. Do Your Homework

Difficult people all have their own set habits. If all else fails and you still cannot deal with them try and understand them. At least this will provide some closure as to why they are doing the things which irritate you so much. I searched Google and found hundreds of websites, (Like this one) that explain the different personality types and ways to address them. Some people may have had a bad childhood, or some might have been abused or neglected. Whatever the case may be there are always reasons for everything. I will be sure to elaborate more on this subject after I have done my own homework but for now this will give you something to digest.

I hope that this information will at least get you on the right track. There are millions of ways to deal with difficult people but you have to remember that you need to start somewhere. Please let me know what you think of this post and if you have any suggestions or tips that you use to deal with the difficult ones.  

I cannot tell you the amount of sleep and peace I have lost because of worry. I have worried about my job, my business, my family, my girlfriend, my dog , my car, my health, you name it. No matter what I did I could not stop worrying about STUPID things. And believe me most of it was stupid. Well like I always do I started to look for ways to rid myself of this nasty mind ridden infection. I found a book written by none other than Dale Carnegie called How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. This book has helped me as well as my girlfriend with several things we used to worry about. We are surely on the way to eliminating most of the worry from our life. Now I will share some of the information I found helpful from the book so that you too can begin the journey to a worry free life.

1. Write it Down - Define the Problem

How exactly do you know what you are worrying about until you write it down? I used to think that all I had to do was think a problem out and it would come to me on how to fix it. This was so far from the truth it was sick. When I started writing the problems down they began to appear clear and defined for me. I was actually able to look at the problem for what it was instead of what I thought it was. Your mind creates so much mess that you can rarely sift through what is real and what is not. That is why after writing something down I soon found myself in progress mode looking for the RIGHT solution. So in the future make sure you write your problems down. This will eliminate a lot of worry and allow you to see what’s really going on. (Use the next step to jump start this process.)

2. Ask Yourself Two Questions

#1 What am I really worried about?

# 2What can I do to fix this problem?

This step ties directly into the first one. Write your problem down and then go from there stating what can be done to fix it. If you write down all the solutions to a problem you will be surprised at the options you have before you. When you look at your problems in this way you will actually see how small they are. You will sometimes smack yourself for letting your mind dwell upon these situations. All you have to do is write them down and the rest will open itself up to you.

3. Live in a Day Tight Compartment

Living in a day tight compartment is exactly what it says. Do not focus on tomorrow or yesterday but instead on TODAY. Shut everything else out and do what you can today. There is nothing you can do about yesterday and tomorrow is uncertain. After doing this you will also be amazed at what gets done. Chores, homework, business, you name it, it gets done sooner. This also helps to rid your self of the procrastination flu, which we will talk about in a later post. But for now just deal with the only thing you have power over: TODAY.

4. Keep Yourself Busy

Did you know that your mind can only focus on one thought at a time? So whether you think of something positive or negative is entirely up to you. One way to make sure you keep the negative junk out of your head is to keep busy. The simple act of doing something to keep your mind occupied has been proven over and over again. One instance I remember was a man that lost two of his three children in a car accident. He thought that he would never be able to live with the pain of losing his two children until his last remaining son came up to him and asked if he would help him build a kite. Despite the fathers lack of interest he gave in and helped his son build the kite. Surprising to him he noticed that with keeping his mind focused on building the kite nothing else crept in. He soon went around the house and was looking for stuff to do to keep himself busy and his mind free from anger and guilt. My point is whenever you find that you cannot get something out of your mind, venture off and find something to do. Trust me, it works and I use it all the time.

5. Cooperate With Life

Let’s face it. There are some things that we can deal with and others we cannot. When problem arise make sure it is something worth worrying about. If you look outside tomorrow and it is raining, let it be. There is nothing on this green earth that will allow you to stop the rain. Just cooperate and look at it positively. If tomorrow you find out that gas has gone up again to $70.00 a gallon, don’t worry. What will worrying about it take care of? Yes it sucks that gas is so high but do you know who you can talk to that can lower it? More than likely not. Just ride your bike to work and get that long needed exercise you have been putting off. Cooperate with the things you can change and use the previous four steps to deal with the things you can. Odds are you will soon see some long needed changes that have been way overdue.